Say Anything lyrics.

"All I want to do is be mended by you
I don't want to be confused, I just want to find you
All I want to kill is that which keeps me ill
Underwhelmed and unfulfilled

All I want to say is this could be ok
I don't want to be a slave, I just want to spend my days
Wondering through the haze, your voice to lead the way

I can finally go and say:
There you are in front of me, luminescent as you used to be
Just sing the saddest song for me, revive me"

Kind of sums up how I feel right now. I like being single but I kind of want a relationship but I don't know...I just need to suck it up and stop walking around with this huge chip on my shoulder. I need to stop blaming what happened on myself or on him or anyone, it was kind of a stupid situation to begin with. And I know I deserve so much more than that.

I have a date later this week that I'm pretty excited about. Should be good times. More later.

<3

that lasted a long time.

So after almost 4 months of being completely sober, I got hammered last night. Fuck me running, I suck at life. I had yesterday and today off and went to Mo'vegas with Pie for the night. She ended up bringing her friend Alex and Jon Cole tagged along. It was SO much fun and so good to see everyone. Mitch made a fire by Stoney Pond and we drank by the pond and made food and shit at like 4 in the afternoon. It was beautiful out and so nice to be outside with good friends. I missed it. So so much. I miss college and all my college friends a lot. It's crazy to think about where I was this time last year, stressed to the max and ready to graduate and drinking like a fish every single free second I had. Blows my mind to even fathom how I did that shit to my body.

I had one hell of a hangover today. That's why I stopped drinking for a while because I proved to myself that I STILL don't know when to stop. I don't regret it at all, it was a decision that I made and I had fun. It's still going to a once in a while thing though. I don't know how I used to do that every single day, it's scary to think about that.

PS,


hahahahaha kind of funny that I'M ruining the picture for once

4:20

Just wanna start off by saying PERFECT HUMAN...



First day off in 15 days tomorrow!! I got in trouble today at work by my supervisor because apparently I worked 14 1/2 hours over time last week between the nursing home and the hospital. Can't wait for that big fat fucking check. Soo stoked to be able to sit outside and enjoy the beautiful weather tomorrow. Excited to have a fucking life again after going to bed at 9 every night for the last 2 weeks, holy hell. xo

weird dreams

I had a dream last night that I swear would make a fucking awesome movie. I wish I could completely remember it. The style was kind of like that movie Spun, minus the drugs. I was straight chillin with Marilyn Manson and some other friends. He was an awesome dude!! I love that I have crazy dreams sometimes.

Yeah, that's basically it. I had to sit inside ALL day and work in my office and it was 80 and gorgeous out. Figures.

listen to

perfect sunny day music

4 hr work days & sunshine rule.

<3

about love/relationships/other junk

someday i want this. someday i will have this. i'm not saying a guy has to buy me the world, i just want to know how it feels to be loved to the ends of the earth and back. i had that once and it was the greatest feeling i've ever felt. but who knows, maybe you only get it once. you get one big love and that's your only chance. i know i'm capable of loving someone like that again but i don't know if i'll get lucky and have someone have those same feelings for me.

i'm content with being single right now. i don't think it'd even be smart for me to be with someone right now. i'm moving this summer. i like being alone right now actually. i like a lot of alone time. i'm not so sure that i'd even be a good girlfriend right now. i'm too selfish and i like to have my big bed to myself. i like waking up alone. i guess when i say it like that it sounds kind of bad but i don't think it really is when you think about it. at least i'm not lonely, that's the worst feeling in the world.

i'm so happy to be back at the point to where i'm completely content being alone. i don't need a guy to make me happy. it's always nice but not necessary. i'm to the point where i've been meeting lots of really nice/cute dudes that could potentially be great boyfriends but i lose interest after a week or two. that sounds so snotty. i don't want to be with someone that i have hot and cold feelings for, that's a waste of their time and mine. i did that for 5 months last year and it was the worst. i feel like i lived someone else's for half the year. not doing that again, no siree. i definitely learned my lesson there. i don't really know where this is going...just had relationships on my mind after a recent conversation with a friend about love.

xo

I need to get over this already.

"'Jess, I still taste you, thus reserve my right to hate you.'
And all this empty space that you create does nothing for my flawless sense of style.

And if you ever said you miss me then don't say you never lied.
I'm without you."


Brand New rules. Still some of the best lyrics ever written.

But he thinks it's just one more sunset...

...And after all, it's her fault
If she hasn't caught on yet

mmhmm

this makes me smile SO big.



the past few days i have realized how much i really love my job. i don't even mind having to go into work at 6 am...then again talk to me after tomorrow since it's my last day off for 2 weeks...

...FUCK

you know what really fucking bums me out? today i found out that one of my favorite bands of the past few years called moros eros broke up. huge bummer. god dammit, now i'll never see them live :(

Top 5 favorite movies of the moment

Since I love top 5 lists and watch a ridiculous amount of movies, thought I'd share my current top 5 favorite movies at the moment...


Into The Wild
>>I was a little skeptical about this movie at first, I'll admit it. But a friend who knows my movie taste very well insisted that I give it a shot, so I did. If not for, in my opinion, Emile Hirsch's best performance to date...I'd watch it for the beautiful nature shots and the poetic and insightful journal entries from the main character. It's crazy to know that the movie was based on a true story. Easily one of the best films of the year.



La Vie En Rose
>>I wouldn't suggest this movie if you're not into subtitles. I loved it simply because I have always had a thing for French culture as well as the 20s/30s/40s era. It's a bio pic about Edith Piaf (basically the French & white Billie holiday). I literally picked this DVD up off the shelf because I realized that the protagonist was played by Billy Crudup's French wife in Big Fish (another favorite). It was definitely worth it.


The Darjeeling Limited
>>Basically you can't go wrong with Jason Schwartzman, Adrien Brody (yum) and Owen Wilson...and Wes Anderson obviously. It's a quirky and often awkward movie about 3 brothers who make their way across the desert on a train in the Middle East to find their mother. I loved it. My favorite part about the film is how Jason Schwartzman wears suits the entire movie and is always barefoot...so subtle but so damn good.


Shopgirl
>>Another movie that was suggested by a friend. I was skeptical about this one as well. I really have nothing against her but I've never been too big of a Claire Danes fan. But since Jason Schwartzman was in it, I thought I'd give it a try. Although for about 75% of the movie I wanted to find the nearest tall buidling and take a long stroll off of it, I liked it overall. It was just painfully truthful about relationships and bummed me out a lot. The ending was cute so it made up for the half a box of Kleenex that I wasted.


Wonder Boys
>>Just an all around good movie. Probably one of the only films that I like Katie Holmes in. And you just want to be friend with Michael Douglas' character, I don't care what anyone says. I think this is the perfect movie for a lazy Sunday or a shitty, rainy day.

zombie dreams

so last night i had a zombie apocalypse dream. fucking insane. insanely awesome! it was so scary...but not the nightmare scary...good scary. like you don't want to wake up because you just want to see what happens next. one of the best parts is that i while in this dream i had NO CLUE that i was in a dream. it felt that real. i wish i could have this dream again, it would have made for a good fucking movie. the last part that i remember is that this dude and i are running through my grandparent's wrecked up house and kath comes out of nowhere trying to bite us...haahaha

check off on to-do list before i die. seriously.