this is why i love my job

one of my favorite residents at the nursing home left me this note on the back of his menu:



XOXO

a bunch of random thoughts...

this week was pretty sweet, it went by super fast.

i've been riding my bike a bunch and i've already lost a few pounds, right on.

maddox got fixed yesterday. i couldn't go pick him up because i was working thad's show last night so my mom went and got him. i guess he was freaking out on the drugs once he woke up from the surgery and even the vet had said that he's never seen a kitten be like that. kind of scary. i felt so bad when i came home. he was waiting in my bed for me and he's been really groggy ever since. when i woke up this morning he had thrown up but he finally got up and started moving around more and drank some water so at least he's feeling a little better.

my brother called home last night while i was out (of course!) and my mom said that he's really homesick. i've had a sick to my stomach feeling since i heard that. he's sounded great the last few months that he's called home. i just want him back here safe. i miss him so much. and it kills me to hear that he's so homesick right now because he won't be home until the holidays (we hope). ugh, fuck this war. i'm about to go buy him a bunch of stuff and put a care package together for him with my mom.

my sister's wedding is 3 months from today and it's going to be a happy and sad day for all of us. my brother and sister and i are pretty close and it's going to hurt us all when that day comes that chewy can't be there. i know how much it bothers chewy that he can't be there. and it makes me sad because we have always talked about how much fun we'd have at their wedding with our big family.

i've been working as much as i can to be able to pay for all the wedding expenses. i'm anxiously awaiting my stimulus check so i can put it down on a car so hopefully that will be soon. i have already bought my dress and shoes for the wedding but i still have to pay for the rest of the limo, put down money on the bridal shower and the bachelorette party, buy a dress for the bridal shower, buy a dress for the bachelorette party and buy gifts for the bridal shower and the wedding. ahhh fuck it, i'm getting married in vegas. it's ridiculous how much money put into weddings when more than half of them just end up in divorces. i have no faith in marriage these days, every one around me is splitting up.

i want a summer fling. i don't want a boyfriend. i just wanna have fun and occasionally do cute shit with a dude. is that so much to ask for?

I was a lover before this war

I really really really really miss my brother. Fuck.

Say Anything lyrics.

"All I want to do is be mended by you
I don't want to be confused, I just want to find you
All I want to kill is that which keeps me ill
Underwhelmed and unfulfilled

All I want to say is this could be ok
I don't want to be a slave, I just want to spend my days
Wondering through the haze, your voice to lead the way

I can finally go and say:
There you are in front of me, luminescent as you used to be
Just sing the saddest song for me, revive me"

Kind of sums up how I feel right now. I like being single but I kind of want a relationship but I don't know...I just need to suck it up and stop walking around with this huge chip on my shoulder. I need to stop blaming what happened on myself or on him or anyone, it was kind of a stupid situation to begin with. And I know I deserve so much more than that.

I have a date later this week that I'm pretty excited about. Should be good times. More later.

<3

that lasted a long time.

So after almost 4 months of being completely sober, I got hammered last night. Fuck me running, I suck at life. I had yesterday and today off and went to Mo'vegas with Pie for the night. She ended up bringing her friend Alex and Jon Cole tagged along. It was SO much fun and so good to see everyone. Mitch made a fire by Stoney Pond and we drank by the pond and made food and shit at like 4 in the afternoon. It was beautiful out and so nice to be outside with good friends. I missed it. So so much. I miss college and all my college friends a lot. It's crazy to think about where I was this time last year, stressed to the max and ready to graduate and drinking like a fish every single free second I had. Blows my mind to even fathom how I did that shit to my body.

I had one hell of a hangover today. That's why I stopped drinking for a while because I proved to myself that I STILL don't know when to stop. I don't regret it at all, it was a decision that I made and I had fun. It's still going to a once in a while thing though. I don't know how I used to do that every single day, it's scary to think about that.

PS,


hahahahaha kind of funny that I'M ruining the picture for once

4:20

Just wanna start off by saying PERFECT HUMAN...



First day off in 15 days tomorrow!! I got in trouble today at work by my supervisor because apparently I worked 14 1/2 hours over time last week between the nursing home and the hospital. Can't wait for that big fat fucking check. Soo stoked to be able to sit outside and enjoy the beautiful weather tomorrow. Excited to have a fucking life again after going to bed at 9 every night for the last 2 weeks, holy hell. xo

weird dreams

I had a dream last night that I swear would make a fucking awesome movie. I wish I could completely remember it. The style was kind of like that movie Spun, minus the drugs. I was straight chillin with Marilyn Manson and some other friends. He was an awesome dude!! I love that I have crazy dreams sometimes.

Yeah, that's basically it. I had to sit inside ALL day and work in my office and it was 80 and gorgeous out. Figures.